01 02 03 Prone to Wander: What Matters? 04 05 15 16 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 31 32 33

What Matters?

This morning my heart kinda….hurt…

As I was leaving for work, my oldest son burst into tears and exclaimed, “I wanted to see you today! All you do is work!”

Guilt overwhelmed me in that moment and in the hours to follow. I am teaching three classes this summer and when I am home I am on the computer grading papers, planning lessons or writing for my freelance writing business. I take for granted that my kids actually like me (most days) and want to spend time with me (pretty much all days).  I realized that I do work a lot, even when I am home (because I have to, but because I like to as well).

I felt convicted.

So what is the solution?

I asked myself, “what is important?”

My kids. My family.

But I still have to work, to support my kids!

I had a vision of my kids. In twenty years. They would be 29 and 24. All on their own. Maybe with their own families, and definitely with their own careers. David may be a lawyer and Kevin will be a comedian. They may be close by or perhaps five states away.

I cringed. And my heart skipped a few beats. 

One day, they will be gone.

So today I will play with legos.
I will watch them wrestle.
I will throw the football.
I will color robots.
I will watch Thomas the Train.
I will make peanut butter sandwiches.
I will break up fights.
I will laugh.
I will treasure my boys.

Because I love them and they are what matter.

And one day they won’t be running around, making obnoxious noises and screaming at each other
while I’m trying to work. 

One day there will be dead silence.

And I don’t know what to do with silence…

Maybe turn on the TV and see if Thomas the Train still comes on…

Live in the moment. Treasure the now. 

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